If i am granted with a wish
i would like to keep my heart temporarily in a box
lock in a locker till STPM is over
being a heartless person
coz i am easily affected by things happen around me
n is hard for me to ignore them
my EQ aint high...
for the moment..
i would rather be emotionless instead of being emotional
but...
i noe i cant =S

What u see/hear Vs The Truths

Ppl...including me...
we all r excellent story creater
coz most of us...believes in what we see...
We believe tat what we see is the truths
n start assuming everything
link small things together
Tada~
a story is done...
n assuming we noe everything bout it...
but what r the truths behind all these 'pictures' or 'images' u see with ur naked eyes??


Ppl also tend to like to assume what they hear r the truths...
"you" could be you, you or you...
"he" could be he , he or he...as long as he is a male...
same goes to "she"
when ppl we r close with writing something on FB or MSN...
n tat person din specifically mention who he/she mentioning...
we will automatically put ourselve into the situation to see whether is us or not
eg. " i'm pissed off, thx to you!"
n let say u argued with tat fren a day ago...when u see tis...will u assume tat "you" is u?? it's possible tat she actually mentioning someone else ... what if she argue with her sis? her mom?? or bro?? or other frenz??

perasan?? many of us hav it...
but dun 100% believe wat u see / hear is rite...coz it's stupid if u get crazy over it..n it turn out to be another person tat ur fren is mentioning...
n NEVER assume wat u see is rite n judge a person from who they mix with...u might easily hurt a person juz by saying..."u r a gang with them...so u r the same.." u nvr noe..=)

Rational Vs Emotional

i've a habit
which is talking to myself in my inner heart
n i have been doin tis from time to time

there's two side of me talking to each other
> rational side
>emotional side

in every circumstances...emotional side always come first..
whenever the emotional side affects me so badly till my mood swings
rational side will interfer

for the past two weeks...
i burst for something i kept in heart for months
n tell no one
as i could no longer bare it anymore...coz its exceeding the limit i could bare
finally, told few of them bout it...
as the emotional disease kept attack me n i dunno wat to do
i kept thinking tat i was bad...
i should not think or look at ppl tis way
coz tat person did ntg wrong
is juz the way i judge ppl from some silly stuff..
n when jealousy attacks..
my judgement could be bias..
but tt person is someone i care so much
n nvr allow ppl to hurt her
how can i allow such thoughts to affect my friendship?
rational n emotional started the war
i thought i will lose tis war
yet...i've overcome it
n came out with new theories n understandings
changed my way of viewing stuff
n jealousy is not longer exist as a factor
things tend to bak as normal as usual
though...i dun think she realise tt 'something' happen on me..xD

when i thought everything is on the right track
n i can focus on studies but nothing else
"things" juz dun allow me to do so
new "things" approach me
i wish i could ignore these stuff
but it juz so obvious n u cant act u dunno anything
how am i suppose to response to such things??
hahaz...seems like...another 'war' gonna begin soon...xD
however, something does confuse me
n i am uncertain bout tat...

somehow...i figured tat lately i dun really like to tell ppl every single thoughts in my mind...
nt even best frenz...
perhaps my mind tell me is not right to hav such thoughts
n i myself think is ridiculous too...
so is btr left unsaid..

lately, i also feel tat i dun like to get involve in other ppl's stuff anymore
is not really tat appropriate to interfere n telling ppl wat ppl should do
coz...in their mindset
they already set what they want to do..even if u wanna ask them change direction..somehow..they will still turn the steering bak to the usual direction...so wats the point?? mentally support is all they need...n will be there when they needed me..

tis morning
one of my fren's dad pass away due to asthma
juz like tat
*poof*
gone
without any symptoms
and
he is gone

it would be a hard time for him
hope he will be able to go through this
stay strong my fren

..................

p.s to all my frens, appreciate what u hav rite now...u dunno when u gonna lost it..or when it gonna leave u...

perhaps ppl at my age is at the stage of 探索阶段

many of them..or i should include myself in...many of US

dun really noe wat we want.??
who we are??
always cant help feeling LOST

as if..we keep encounter 十字路口
there's 3 route for u to choose
and you juz dunno which route is the right path..
which one you should choose
and most of the time..
feeling lost n fear...
coz dunno what will we be facing
or what exactly is awaiting us

没有人生目标
feel i am so useless...
T.T
kinda envy those ppl with dreams /goals/ targets
coz i dun really noe wat i want...

Shocked

burst to tears twice today

T.T

in the evening,
i watched Glee
n saw the scene where the baby is given birth
its touching
yet..dunno why
i suddenly thought of those white mouse we disected for biology
those babies we saw in the mothers' uterus
and it linked to the mouse that yoke mun disect!
It was still breathing...seemed like suffocating, trying hard to breath in
its heart was still beating
the moment the nails r nailed via its hands n legs
the moment the scissor cut into its muscle
and the moment the its rib cage were broken for us to see its heart
can u imagine the pain it was suffering???
it was juz half unconscious!!!! WTH!!!
PAIN!!!!! those scenes juz keep repeating in my head...
i dun feel tat bad disecting a dead mouse..
but..seeing ppl disecting a half unconscious mouse is...worse than ever
cried..after thinking back wat happened in the lab..
for the mouse...
n..to the lives tat were ended in their mothers' dead body..

nite...around 8pm
reached skul n saw shirley, rebbie, adrian, cj, and ys
we were goin to giv calvin a surprise party..today is Calvin's birthday
cj asked ys n i bring the cake up first
n thank goodness...we did
coz..
when ys, tim n i were preparing the cake halfway
we heard a big door bang
i thought calvin reached
cj n rebbie ran up to inform us
but it wasnt
they were chased after by a snatch thief
adrian was injured n totally shocked...
shirley was still okay
everyone was shocked actually
the environment was damn freaking scary
everyone was not in the mood for tuition or surprise party anymore
n i am really really lucky tat i left earlier n followed ys bak to class..
coz..i was having my laptop in my skul bag
n i dun think i will be react tat fast as shirley
perhaps..will stun there like rebbie...
though i din encounter the snatch thief by myself
listening to others disciption is already scary enough
feeling a little scare while driving bak
n dunno why
burst to tears while driving halfway
tried to control myself..n manage to control my tears...
coz i was telling myself..i am not far from home...things wil be fine right after i reach home
coz my dad will be there
n guess wat
what awaits me was an empty home..
my parents aint at home!!!
i dun even dare to step out of my car...under the dark nite..
tried to phone my parents
but there was no answer
first time...feeling so scare to step down of my car
cant stop the fear tat growing stronger in my heart
til daddy reach home..
cant wait to tell him everything
n of coz...
crying while telling..HAha...
xD
i dun even cried at my tuition place..
i juz listened..n felt lucky
a little bit of fear n tats all
but...
perhaps..
my shock receptors r much slower than other ppl's
coz thats the only reason why my tears always came much later after things happened..

True Colours

You with the sad eyes

Don't be discouraged

Oh I realize

It's hard to take courage

In a world full of people

You can lose sight of it all

And the darkness inside you

Can make you feel so small

But I see your true colors

Shining through

I see your true colors

And that's why I love you

So don't be afraid to let them show

Your true colors

True colors are beautiful,

Like a rainbow

Show me a smile then,

Don't be unhappy,

can't remember

When I last saw you laughing

If this world makes you crazy

And you've taken all you can bear

You call me upBecause you know I'll be there

And I'll see your true colors

Shining through

I see your true colors

And that's why I love you

So don't be afraid to let them show

Your true colors

True colors are beautiful,

Like a rainbow

suddenly fall in love with this song...*like!!!*